I’ve been absent for a while. Why? Because the last few weeks have been harder on me. Basically when it comes to emotions and things like that. I say this because spring time, for some reason although it’s pretty self-explanatory when I think about it, is harder for me than any other time of the year. It’s an anniversary of sorts, as the saying goes. More than likely this is when life as I knew it came crumbling down around me although I always knew eventually it would dump on my head and cause me a big headache. It’s the emotional stuff that continues to grip tight. It’s that emotional stuff that has tripped me up more than anything else, and for good reason.
After such a long time of not really wanting to share with the rest of the world or whoever reads this, I felt it necessary for part of my healing process to write what I’m about to write. I won’t be going in-depth so no need to fear reading a novel length piece. I see brave people talking about their experiences as when children and are now adults of their abusive experiences by the hands of mothers, fathers, other family members, and equally messed up by strangers. One of them includes a good friend of mine whose father abused her and then was so nice enough to pass it on and abused his grandchildren when they were young. It’s a vicious cycle and an ugly one. It perplexes me why people think it’s okay to abuse young children. It shouldn’t be so hard of a concept to understand, but when you look at the Catholic Church, mainly the behind the door activities conducted by priests and their choir boys, it should be alarming to people who aren’t and are Catholics. Get the priests some sexual outlet because obviously what is required of them now is clearly not working.
Bringing this back to my own personal life, it isn’t my biological father smacking me or knocking me down that stuck with me. It isn’t even the time he purposely burned me because I pissed him off so much that I had to suffer for pissing him off so bad. It’s the things I can’t go in-depth about because frankly, it’s too painful to even admit that happened even though I know it did. It’s those things that made me wish at one point he was still alive so I could do everything to him that he did to me. He left me with many unresolved emotions where I didn’t know my head from my ass. It was damn painful and still is to an extent. This is the part that if I were an outsider looking in, well it makes it all more tragic. It didn’t have to be this way. He didn’t have to treat me so poorly, but it’s no use wishing things were different. Some parents hate their kids. My biological father was one of them. I know this because he told me this many times.
My saving grace is I was plucked out of there before it got even worse. This post is to all those survivors who did survive and those who never got a chance. This post is to all those who still struggle with herself or himself while trying to improve and heal themselves. Without getting too preachy or mushy, this shit lasts a lifetime. This is basically my disclaimer that yes, my biological father was abusive. For everything that happened to me, there were many good things that occurred too after the fact. This is my way of saying I’m glad I survived because I have a lot more to accomplish and want to be thankful for.
Quote from Black Sea by Daniels: “What happens when one of them starts to figure out their share gets bigger, and there is less people to share it with?”
Producers: Jim Cochrane, Alexander Dostal, Alasdair Flind, Merve Harzadin, Kevin Macdonald, Jane Robertson, Tessa Ross, and Charles Steel
Director: Kevin Macdonald
Screenwriter: Dennis Kelly
Running Time: 1 hour and 54 minutes
Quote from Farewell Ferris Wheel by Carnival Owner : “No one has to tell them what to do, how to do it, they start working.”
Writers: Miguel ‘M.i.G’ Martinez and Jamie Sisley
Directors: Miguel ‘M.i.G’ Martinez and Jamie Sisley
Running Time: 1 hour and 12 minutes
Quote from Exit Through the Gift Shop by Thierry Guetta: “That’s why I call myself Mr. Brainwash. It’s because everything that I do… somewhere… it brainwash your face!”
Producers: Zam Baring, Holly Cushing Jaime, D’Cruz, Robert Gastman, James Gay-Rees, Meldoy Howse, and Andrew Palmer
Major Cast: Banksy, Mr. Brainwash (Thierry Guetta), Debora Guetta, Space Invader,
Monsieur André, Zeus, Shepard Fairey, Ron English, and Caledonia Curry (Swoon), and Rhys Ifans as Narrator
MPAA Rating: R for language
Running Time: 1 hour and 27 minutes
I went to sleep with two eyes, ears, legs, arms, feet, and hands.
The next morning I woke up with something else attached to my body.
It was touching my leg, tickling it, and was moving freely.
I lifted up my covers. The horror of what I saw. The color of it made me sick.
Worse, it had ripped my favorite pajamas.
I hopped out of bed and grabbed a scissors from my drawer.
This thing was coming off one way or another, even if it meant blood might be spilled.
As I reached for this unwanted thing, it uncoiled itself around my leg,
and moved in the opposite direction of where my hand went.
I dropped the scissors, twisting left and right until I caught the end of it.
It moved in every direction, each time with more force, as it tried to get free.
This damn thing thought it was cunning by bringing me to the floor.
I rolled toward the scissors, opened them with force, and closed the blades.
It sounded like bone breaking.
The rest of it swung wildly behind me, then coiled itself around my leg.
I cut into it again. The two separate pieces struggled to stay alive.
The one piece still attached was angry at what was lost.
With my body lighter, I contorted even more, and that is when I saw.
It wasn’t something intrinsic, something within me I had created.
Writer and Director: Justin Chon
Major Cast: Simone Baker, Justin Chon, Curtiss Cook. Jr, David So, Trinecia Moore-Pernell, Sang Chon, and Cesar Garcia
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Running Time: one hour and 34 minutes
With the internet and social media, it doesn’t take long for a well establish company to find out if you are using another well established company to market one of your products. Given that two feuding brothers from Germany started Adidas and Puma, I’m going to compare and contrast two recent shoes, very briefly. They both are capitalizing on the popularity of a franchise. One is based from a fast food restaurant chain known for their burgers and fries, In-N-Out, and started in California although there are restaurants in Arizona, Nevada, Utah, Texas, and Oregon. The other is based from The Game of Thrones show that has taken over the world and then some. You tell me which one will probably sell more. The fast food chain has now decided to sue the shoe company, and this company would be Puma. I’m hoping it gets settled in the best way possible, but the shoes have a very ketchup and mustard look to them with palm trees on the shoelaces. Now, the Adidas shoes are better looking, but I’m not that hard core when it comes to The Game of Thrones like the die hard fans, so I won’t be getting these shoes either. Yet, it’s an interesting time because as more stores are closing because they can’t turn profit, some continue to struggle while others continue to thrive. According to Forbes in 2019, Nike is #1 and Adidas is #3. Is Puma in the top ten? It isn’t, but Reebok is #6 and Under Armour is #7 when it comes to sports brands. Maybe, things will look better for Puma in 2020.