Poem: Lump

there's a lump in my heart,
where my throat should be,
vice versa,
not versa vice,
and I'm not going to cry
this time,
no, I will not cry for you.

it's too dark to see within me,
not around me,
it's too bright, 
the glare hurts my eyes,
and I know what needs to release,
and I hold it in,
knowing it is bad, 
I am afraid of what it might show.

there's no need to push it down,
but I do,
because no other option
gives me freedom,
the feeling of ignorance,
next time will be different,
I swear,
not on your life or mine.