Pisaries Creator

I’ve had a few recurring dreams throughout my life. I had one of them last night. It is rather disturbing in nature and one I’d rather not have, let alone have it recurring. My eyes have been pulling to the left and right, which is a clear sign of stress. My hips and thighs have been giving me problems, which is the first time either one has given me major issues despite my stretching and starting up exercise. I’m getting more acclimated with my job and hoping this leads to more stability elsewhere like my creative activities such as writing and coloring. Not too many people have read my first novel but in the whole of things, at least, I know it’s written pretty well.

Even though I’m struggling a little bit, okay quite a bit, about how well the point of view is translating from mindset to the written page for my second novel idea, I have to keep going and finish the first draft. One of my problems is I tend to rewrite the first half of my novel before I’m done, which is where I am currently. I’m stuck as the saying goes and while I know I’m not the only one, it doesn’t give me much comfort one way or another. The only person I can blame is myself. I’m the only one responsible for how much I write and don’t write at any given day or week or month. I know I’ve let too much time pass since my last novel writing session. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again that this novel is the most personal for me and the one that most people will probably read because some of it is based on my life. It’s as real as it gets when it comes to who I am, what I thought it would be, and what I wanted to be. I suppose the difficulty of the middle-aged person is to find the little joys in life to keep the spark from going out.

There really is no trick, I suppose, even though I wish there was an easy answer to all my questions and problems. Life becomes putting one foot in front of the other, doing the same thing day in and day out. Whether you have a family of your own or live with a significant other, there is more mundane repetitiveness than new experiences and activities each month. Some people have a lot more freedom with their free time than others. There’s nothing that can change that and looking inward in a positive way helps me to minimize comparing myself to others. There’s only 24 hours in a day and so while I would love to devote all my weekend time to only one thing, I can’t.

I was thinking the other day how much I need to finish watching all the James Bond movies and how I wanted to re-watch the Star Wars movies. Then, when the hell will I have the time to write? I can’t do that on the weekdays because I’m stuck in traffic and exercising after work. Then, I think it’s better to have too much to do and a lot of interests than complete boredom every week with empty feelings inside of me. Life has become more of a piecemeal concept for me of a little bit of this, a little bit of that. If people can find the time to do what they love with kids, I surely can do it without kids.

A lot of people see excuses as weakness in a person, but you also need to listen to yourself. Everyone is not built in the same way. I’ve come to hate the phrases, “no pain, no gain” and “no excuses” when it comes to exercise because I used to use both of those on myself and would punish myself physically by exercising when I was past the point of fatigue or if I was clearly injured. The same goes for my writing although being honest, I could get a little more aggressive with it, okay quite a bit aggressive. I obviously know I’m not going to live forever.

I said to someone recently how when my dad retired, he didn’t look back and did as much as he could. He took yearly skiing, biking, fishing trips, visited U.S. National Parks, climbed part of Mt. Everest, went on cruises and more. I hope I can jam pack as much my body allows me to do when I’m older: reading books, learning new languages, traveling to places I’ve always wanted to go. I know I should also do that now: read my books, learn new languages, travel to new places. First things first, get some gelato (even though I’m trying to lose weight) and then work a few hours on my second novel before I have to get up and go to work on Monday. Little by little, I’ll get it done and be in the same spot for my third novel. Oh, the joys of trying to be a competent and successful writer.