Pisaries Creator

I have not fought in wars
outside of myself
but I have fought many
inside of me.
I have tried to end it all,
each decade after the other,
in the past,
remaining partly in the present,
never knowing
the future.

I have pushed the limits,
the walls with my hands,
the doors with my feet,
and each time 
my face gets smushed
a little more.
I do not have the factor others 
possess easily,
getting others to talk
in a crowd and making
a good impression.

I do not nod my head
to understand something I am not
aware of in the room.
I have a sour taste,
lingering in my nose,
keeping a home in my mouth,
and smelling up my fingers
with toxicity.

I am certain people overlooked
the universal pain of mine,
not understanding any of the causes
responsible for this tragedy.
I understand the terror
in this personal situation,
it brings such fear 
and repetition of the incident.

I have not fallen on my knees,
not at this moment,
but I am wobbly.
I could not have known
how cruel they could be,
misunderstanding me,
forcing me to feel I do not belong,
I do not deserve to breathe.

I will not discuss
what is not important,
casting doubt of my truth,
making my feet feel numb,
and my hands raw.
I will seek more truth,
that is the only way.