Pisaries Creator

I admit I haven’t been doing much writing especially not anything I am proud of or is anything new. I have to return to my second novel and get this done so I can publish it by the end of this year or early next year. I’m already behind schedule especially when I made my initial timeline of all the novels I wanted to write. Sometimes, I think I have the ability to do this (mentally, physically, and emotionally) and other times I think when the hell l am I going to have the time to write let alone rewrite and ultimately finish all of my book ideas. Shit, I don’t know what this really is: lack of motivation, fear of exploring further into certain topics, change of interest, and probably the most recent thought of what’s the damn point. Is anyone going to read this? Probably not. Again, what’s the damn point. Anyway, here is a for sure book chapter although changes will probably be made. Now that I am facing the fifth month of 2025, it’s time to start putting the words onto paper and get this stupid book idea done. This novel has been living in limbo for too long. I need to put this book to rest and more or less put it back into its grave which translates to being self-published. I don’t know what my third novel idea will be although I’ve technically already started writing the few ideas I’ve had living within my brain. I feel bad for not writing more so maybe this is a sign to get motivated again with my writing like I’m doing with my exercise. It’s time to be active with my fingers like I’m trying my best to be active with my feet. Note this is one of my later chapters (so far) in my novel.

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Hae Won had decided upon either the Myeongdong or Itaewon shopping district as the meeting place. She called her father from a cheaply bought cellphone earlier that week in case a situation such as this arose. Kang Dae tried to overpower her by insisting they meet in a quieter place. She held firm and said to be at Itaewon on the north side. Once they had arrived, she would call him about the meeting place.

As Audrey and Jong Su followed Hae Won through the crowds of tourists and locals, she spotted a jewelry store targeting women that preferred moderately priced necklaces, rings, and earrings with just the right amount of shine and sparkle.

She stopped, turned to them, and held her hand up. She quickly punched in a number and waited for her father to answer. When he picked up, Hae Won yelled something into the phone and hung up.

“Are you sure he heard you?” Jong Su said.

“Don’t worry about it. You should be preparing yourself for what might happen.”

“You make your father sound like an evil monster.”

“That’s because he is,” Hae Won said. “You heard me tell the story of what he did to our brother.  How he killed him in a rage.”

Jong Su nodded.

“I do not know you well but please do not make excuses for my father’s behavior.”

“I’m not. I’m only saying people can change. He might surprise you today.”

“People like him don’t have the ability to change. If there was an option for him to change, they like who they are and what they do and what it gives them in return.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It means once a gang member, always a gang member. He will never ever change.”

Jong Su imagined Audrey’s father intoxicated to the point of not being aware of what he had done to his own child during his rages. This was the way he rationalized Kang Dae’s violent behavior. He did not excuse their father completely for what he did but felt some kind of sympathy toward him.  Having to provide for four children let alone maintain a relationship with his wife under the same roof after many years could not have been easy. Having a family is a lifelong commitment and no matter how patient and loving a man might be, children are known to push boundaries and test the patience of their parents. He dared not say this to Hae Won.  

“When you translate this to Audrey, please do not tell her that our father is gang affiliated. It would crush her soul. I don’t want her to think she’s been tainted by his allegiance to the brotherhood.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

Hae Won nodded to him and watched Jong Su tell Audrey what they had spoken about. When he finished translating, Audrey gave no indication she was afraid of meeting Kang Dae. Even the mood around them had brightened and calmed, where all three secretly had high hopes for a positive interaction.

The most cautious one was Hae Won. She wanted no surprises and this included not giving her father the chance to place his bodyguards before they arrived. He no longer played an active role in the kkangpae, but the younger members who were loyal to him could also be unpredictable. There was no telling what could happen if one of them decided to test the waters out of stupidity.

Her father may not have risen to the highest ranks, but his reputation among both the young and old said much about his influence over the decades. She had heard the stories about her father, a legacy of sorts as a child.

As an adult, the stories continued, more embellished, but always reminding Hae Won how much respect her father gave his brothers and vice versa. Her father had a fearlessness within him and his willingness to resort to any kind of violence to get the outcomes he wanted made him loved and feared at the same time by the men he called his brothers.

Hae Won nudged Jong Su on his arm. He looked in the direction of where she was looking. A man with white hair slicked back and wearing black pants and a buttoned shirt with a pressed collar was being pushed in a wheelchair by a younger man in a sports jacket and black jeans. It was clear based on their looks that most Koreans recognized who they were and made it a point to get out of their way. No one prolonged their eye contact with any of them. Instead, they picked up their pace to get further away.

Jong Su signaled to Audrey and told her to stay behind him. She did not follow his directive and watched her biological father’s facial features become more pronounced with each passing second. His appearance was not what she imagined. While Audrey knew he was probably raised in a poor area, his wardrobe reminded her of someone trying hard to portray himself to be more important than he really was.

When Audrey took a few steps to be in front of Hae Won, her sister grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“What’re you doing?” Audrey said.

Jong Su quickly translated.

“You must stay behind me until I talk to our father. This is the way it has to be.”

Jong Su translated this to Audrey.

Audrey wanted to tell her sister she was a grown woman that could take care of herself. Out of respect for cultural rules, she kept quiet and let her sister be in command.

She glanced at her father again. He reminded her of the young men she met in her university classes. They all tried hard to woo their female counterparts including her. She called them equal opportunists when it came to the dating scene. Not that her biological father wanted to date her, but any average looking female would have been sufficient for their sexual appetites. It was not as if these university men were searching for a wife to put roots down.

The young man with her father had that look of lust in his eyes. Audrey pushed this thought aside and focused on how she would make a good impression for her biological father even though he had done one of the most despicable things any parent could ever do to a child. A sense of familial duty overcame her the closer Kang Dae approached. She could not explain why she felt this way, but knew he favored loyalty above everything else, even love.

There was also a troubled energy following him. Audrey did not know how his definition of loyalty had become so skewed in his mind that it was actually deceit he craved and embraced. His desire for revenge had propelled him up to this point. He no longer wanted to take his life after Ha-joon died when he found out about Kyung Soon.

When his wheelchair stopped, he had a stern look on his face.

“You didn’t teach your sister any manners,” Kang Dae directed at Hae Won. “Doesn’t she understand how to greet an elder, let alone one that is of blood relation?”

“This is the first time she has seen you in over thirty years,” Hae Won said.

“I demand she comes over to me. Is she afraid I will hurt her?” 

“She knows you are of relation, but you need to remember she’s an American. They have different ways of expressing themselves.  Their customs are not like ours.”

“And you need to remember how she treats me reflects on the safety for all of us. If I don’t get the proper respect from her, I lose respect among my own people. It’s not my fault you tore her away from me and sent her to a foreign country. It was your job to teach her the Korean way of life the moment her plane landed.”

Hae Won spoke to Jong Su in a whisper. He nodded his head and translated what she said to Audrey.

As Audrey walked toward Kang Dae, a wave of excitement and anticipation ran through her body. She had never envisioned herself in this moment until now. Meeting any of her blood relatives was a fantasy unfilled and here she was inches from touching her actual father. But, there was a

There was a scent of cigarettes and liquor that he had tried hard to disguise with mouthwash. She could smell the maekju on his breath. In this  awkwardness, Audrey bowed to Kang Dae. He responded with a smile and stretched his right arm to her. She took his hand. Her fingers curled around his palm. The texture of his skin was rough with aging spots along his protruding veins. His fingers were leathery.

He squeezed her hand and let go, forcing Audrey to pull her hand back. He glanced up at Audrey and motioned for her to bend over. When she leaned forward, he grabbed her face with both hands and stared directly into her eyes. This startled Audrey, but not enough to cause her great alarm.

“You turned out to be a beautiful daughter. You are everything I could have hoped for, unlike your sister. I’m amazed any man found her attractive enough to be his bride. Some men are blind in other ways. How come you never bow like she just did?” Kang Dae said to Hae Won.

“I do. You never notice.”

“Are you blaming me for failing eyesight?”

“No, I’m only stating you might need new glasses, that your eyesight has changed in the last few years.”

Hae Won understood this was said by her father to knock her off balance since she was not willing to compromise with him on the meeting place. She ignored his attempt and steered the conversation in another direction.

By now Kang Dae had let go of Audrey’s face, but was standing close enough for him to reach out and touch her arm. He had lost interest in Audrey and was not giving up so easily regarding Hae Won. He continued with his verbal taunting and tormenting of her choices in life. Audrey understood none of what her father was saying. Jong Su would not translate what was being said when she asked him. Instead, he only repeated in English the words exchanged that was appropriate.

Back with Jong Su and Hae Won, Audrey  watched Hae Won continue her conversation with their father. He had tried to grab Hae Won, but she instinctively got out of his way of reach. Audrey had wanted to go to her sister to reassure her everything would be okay because she needed some herself. She would never tell Hae Won the chill she felt go down her back when she touched her father.

Eventually Jong Su told her that Kang Dae and Hae Won had found common ground by deciding to order appetizers and drinks at a nearby dining establishment. Audrey and Jong Su followed them in a single line with Kang Dae leading and Hae Won behind him. The young man pushing the wheelchair would keep watch near the door to make sure everything was okay while they ate.

As they waited for the food to arrive, Audrey could no longer hold back. She wanted answers and directly from her father.

“What made you give me up for adoption?”

Before Hae Won could tell Jong Su not to translate, he asked the question in Korean for everyone to hear.

“You have it all wrong, my dear child. You need to point your finger at her,” Kang Dae said, pointing his finger at Hae Won. “She’s the one responsible for making you be someone you’re not. I wanted you here with me. Instead of you speaking Hangul, you’re speaking the inferior American language that sounds ridiculous.”

Kang Dae looked at Jong Su to translate what he had said.

“It was probably for the best despite how hard it was. I mean you were poor and couldn’t take care for me.” Audrey said.

“Don’t you ever bring up me being poor again. My parents did their best,” Kang Dae said,  slamming his fist on the table for emphasis. “It’s quite simple. Your sister betrayed all of us by taking you away from me. She made the decision to abandon you because of her selfishness. She could never accept the fact that I was her father, that I was your father. She hated me the moment she was born. I could go on forever with all the ways she defied me.”

He directed his attention to Hae Won. His bony finger pointing accusatorily at her.

“Tell Kyung Soon what you did that night you took her away from me.”

“This is not the right time.”

“You will obey me and tell her. She deserves to know the truth about you.”

“I will not.”

“You will,” Kang Dae demanded, slamming his fist on the table with such force it knocked over the small decoration in the middle.

“You want me to tell her the truth.”

“I have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“If there’s nothing to hide, then say it.”

Hae Won remained silent, gave no reaction and remained stoic until the food arrived. She knew this was a battle she would not win. Until her father got what he wanted, the food would sit there until closing, never eaten because Kang Dae would make it so. He would punish them all for her stubborn pride.

She glanced down at the food getting cold, trying to keep her emotions from overwhelming her. The image of her as a ten-year old girl came flooding back. She had tried her best to never revisit that night ever again. There was no solution in front of her to keep it away. Her father had won again.

So with as much delay as she afforded , Hae Won began telling Audrey about the night she left her old life for a new one.

“I had made the decision to take you away on a Thursday night. No matter how frightened I was that night, I told myself to swallow my fear and risk everything to save you. I knew there was no chance of failing, not even the slightest chance of failing. If I did, it meant I had not fulfilled the promise I had made to our mother. Our eomeoni was the most loyal woman I ever knew,” Hae Won said, making eye contact with Kang Dae.

“Eomeoni told me there would be consequences I could never imagine if I failed. She was no longer able to eat any food at this time because she had become so weakened. Her appetite had diminished to a point of only eating a few grains of rice and told me the food had no taste. Her inability to eat only made the knots in my stomach grow larger. My future success of rescuing Kyung Soon was her last chance at redemption. There had been so much heartache in her life. She could not bear to live with the guilt anymore.  That night, I heard my mother speak to me even though she had died days earlier. She whispered words of encouragement when I was overcome by fear and thought it was useless to even try.”

Kang Dae watched the response of Audrey as Jong Su finished his translation. He could not wait for her to come to her senses and realize how terrible Hae Won had treated her. Their father was disgusted when she placed her hands on top of Hae Won’s. Soon it would be his turn to tell his side of the story. He begrudgingly listened to his daughter tell her version of that night.

“Our father’s demeanor had been withdrawn that week and his early drinking made him pass out shortly around nine that night. When he went to his bedroom after finishing a cigarette, I waited to make sure he passed out. There had been only a few nights recently when he woke up looking for trouble. I prayed the whole week that this wasn’t one of those nights.

By luck, the moon was at its fullest and brightest when I sneaked to the front door and peeked outside. I held my breath when I shook you out of sleep when I returned. I didn’t need to cover your mouth because you were still half asleep as I put clothes on you.”

“I’m still a deep sleeper,” Audrey said.

This made Hae Won smile.

“I could never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I had to wait for you to fully wake up.  Our mother always said you took steps at your own pace. This independence concerned me, but it never did with our mother. She said it would take you to beautiful places and be a teacher for you. but There was hesitation to your responses as well. When she tapped her fingers, I knew what it meant. She was fearful of the way you demanded things like our father. That night, you knew I was in control. I practically had to drag you behind me with a tattered cotton bag slung over my shoulder.

As we approached our father’s room, I waited and listened. He was sleeping but, I was still cautious. He had the uncanny ability to wake up at the slightest noise, so when he stopped snoring my heart skipped a beat. I remember covering your mouth as we passed his door. 

Before I knew it, we were at the front door. We tiptoed as quietly as the wooden floor allowed the remaining steps. I nudged you again to your eyes but you never did until we went outside.

The chilly air woke you up and me telling you I wasn’t going to carry you made you keep your eyes open the rest of the night. I dared not look back at the house but I envisioned our mother waving goodbye. I held back my tears and wished our mother was with us in person. 

It didn’t take long for the bag to cramp my forearm. I was afraid to readjust it and pressed onward. I focused on the smell of the air and occasionally was forced to wipe sweat from my brow. It was so muggy that night. My mind kept going back to a new life I was excited for because it was a new beginning.

With the greatest of intentions, I had purposely closed the old life behind me. You asked a million questions along the way. After a while, I quit answering you. It wasn’t because I was annoyed, but I was tired myself. I regret not being honest with you when you asked me where we were going. If I had known what I know now, I would have told you the truth. You were old enough to understand the reality back then. I thought I was protecting you.

You listened intently to me when I said how important it was to reach our place of safety. After an hour had passed, which I based on not having any feeling in my arms anymore from carrying you and the bag, I decided to take a break. We plopped down and sat on the edge of the road. We each took a drink of water from my container. You rested your body against mine.

My thoughts went to a dark place of what would happen if our father found out we were gone. Picturing him trying to find us made me scramble to my feet and you fell over. I looked around me to see if he was near. He was nowhere in sight but it gave me enough renewed energy to continue our journey. You didn’t speak to me for a while because you were mad at me.

To get you to speak to me again, I answered some of your earlier questions. I don’t know if you remember but I told you we were outside so no one would ever hurt you again and to keep you safe. I also hummed a song to you that our mother used to sing when we were young.

When we reached the police station, I wanted to stay to make sure you were found. For my own safety, I could not be detected. If the police saw me, they  would bring them back home. The thought of returning to our father made me very scared. I couldn’t imagine what he would do to me the second the police left us alone. I pushed that scenario aside as I had done many times before.

I had brought food with me to last few days, but a stray dog looking for a handout got some of it. He kept coming back for more. I finally threw a little bit of rice at him and yelled at him to go away. He didn’t listen and followed me for half a mile before heading in another direction. He had seen something and was chasing it down the sidewalk. I remember thinking good riddance when I no longer saw or heard him.

By this time, I had pain I had never felt before. Imaginary pins were stabbing my whole body. My legs felt weak and rubbery, and I knew there were blisters on my feet. I’m sure some of  my sores were close to bleeding. There would be time for tending to my physical wounds later.

I prayed the darkness that hid us would continue until we had reached the police station. I removed the blanket from my bag and wrapped it around you. We were both exhausted but I had enough energy to stroke your hair as you fell asleep in my arms.

I removed a note from my bag and tucked it under the blanket covering you. I doubt you still have the note, but if you do, it was written by our mother. I asked for her to write down words she wanted you to know. I watched you sleep for a few more seconds and kissed you one last time. I whispered I would never forget, would always love you, and you would be my baby sister, forever.”

“I didn’t know where I would end up, but I couldn’t afford to fall asleep. My body was taking me in the direction not intended.  I stopped in my tracks when I became lightheaded. My legs buckled and my knees landed hard on the concrete. A shock radiated throughout my legs.  My arms raised into the air and I screamed as loud as I could. My fists hit the pavement repeatedly. Pain now radiated up my arms and my hands were bloody when I looked at them.

I erupted into tears and felt them run down my face and drip off my nose as I stood back on my wobbly legs. I had fulfilled my mother’s wish but felt such sadness. My heart was broken.

I noticed the homeless dog following me again. I threw the remaining food at the dog despite being hungry. He devoured it and took a long drink of water before leaving the rest in a littered cup I had found close by.

My plan was certain to fail without food and water. I scurried in the direction of home again as fast as my tired body would allow. Our father would find and punish me for what I did. This was inevitable. No running would keep me safe. I cursed myself for being so foolish. I was only a child with a few days of food.

When it came to our father, I did what I had to do and there was nothing he could do about it. My very life hung in his balance, but I didn’t care.  If he decided to kill me, I would accept it with open arms. Being courageous was what our mother taught me to be, that no one will sustain you as much as your own self.”

When it was Kang Dae’s turn to tell his version of the story, he did not get the positive reaction he believed he deserved. Hae Won remained expressionless as he spoke about how he felt after waking up to find either of his children under his care.

Audrey was more interested in hearing Hae Won continue her story and what had happened to her after she returned home. Neither Hae Won nor Kang Dae was willing to discuss those turn of events at the moment.

Against her better judgment, Hae Won agreed to meet with Kang Dae again with Audrey and Jong Su to continue their reunion stories.

There persisted a caution amongst all of them. They left agreeing only to another meeting the next day without setting a time or place until Hae Won had decided what to the next steps to be and to make sure Audrey understood the ramifications of continuing this relationship with their father.