I wrote this in December 2015. I am not the same person. I am in other ways. Cheers everyone.
The last few weeks I have been giving EL James’ books much thought. I have not read any of them, but the few pages I have read online did not have much content. I wonder does she care that people including established writers think she is a terrible writer. She probably does not given she is worth 80 million dollars (net worth) and was able to do what few are able to do. She has amassed much wealth that I can only dream of in the writing world. Maybe, it is jealousy of other writers for this backlash. Yet, in all honesty, she has broken some cardinal rules writers should never do, at least when it comes to sex scenes. Then again, rules are meant to be broken at times. It works for some. She was one of them.
I have lived much of my life with so much inner turmoil. It would make the average head spin in circles infinity because it has made my head spin in circles as well. My head still spins at a rapid pace. This has also allowed me to access my emotions, raw and pure, which is what you need as a writer. By no means, am I well versed in the writing process as say Stephen King who continues to baffle my mind from a creative perspective, but I do know some stuff.
As the days pass by and weeks turn into months, I hope the next ten years of my life are filled with progress I expect of myself and drive I utilize for the best possible outcome. Yes, the four books I need and have to write has turned into five more, totaling nine books, and now that I have gone back to my original goal, it is fourteen total books that I hope to write. My alarm clock nears one o’clock, and I sit here writing about something that few people want to hear or will probably read. I guess this is more for me than for you. I guess this is a little reminder for me not focus on other writers, successful and struggling, and keep the eye on my own prize.
After I finish the majority of books I want to write, then maybe I will write a book along the lines of EL James. Maybe, I should write this book after I am done with my current book. Maybe, I should not listen to my gut and not follow my heart. Maybe, I should weave all over the damn place and not stick to the spine of the story. Maybe, my desire to be published will become a reality. The million dollar question is will I be able to live with myself if I do this? Will I be straying from my true self?
I am more lost than ever in my life when it comes to my purpose and worth. The possibilities and turmoil within myself never ends. The universe does not open its doors just because you want it to open. The world does not revolve around your platform. Wishful thinking never works, at least not in my life. Personal and family past mistakes still are a part of me. I try to live in the present as much as possible. I am thankful for air in my lungs every day. Life is truly what you make of it and coasting by is not a part of my vocabulary. I retire for the night, keeping the end goal always in sight, but focusing more on the little steps one needs to take in order to reap the large reward after the road has been trampled on, ripped up, patched up, and hopefully still in tact to be the gateway to another adventure.