Nothing Left to Give, Leaving It Behind

timegoodbyeMy second journal type entry for January.  Most people say I wear my heart on my sleeve and can be brutally honest with my life.  I have for the most part although there are other things you have to keep to yourself.  Yet, I opened myself up to possible misunderstandings back in my twenties with certain things.  For the most part the people were understanding and supportive.  There is nothing great about having to admit your biological parents weren’t the best.  In fact, they were of the worst kind that brought me confusion, anger, fear, and later sadness.  I plan to include parts of it in one of my fiction books.  Maybe, this is a way to prep people who might read my future novel as much as it is a way to prep myself for the task I hope to begin the latter half of this year.  I believe in this novel idea and not because I’m personally attached to it, but more it has the potential to be a powerful story.  I want to make people cry and laugh within the same  chapter because that is what I’ve had to do to survive.  There’s a lot of ugliness in the world, but for all the bad shit, there is equally good too.  I’m reminded and now need to fully realize it’s really time for me to leave as much of the emotional past in the past.  When there’s nothing more to know, no amount of wishing is going to make new information appear.  I’ve gotten all I need from it, and now time for me to mold this information into something else for a better purpose.

2019

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