Poem: Rough Edges

I’m not what I used to be,
the insides are now out,
and the up is now down.
If I seek a better life for myself,
am I the bastard still?
This is what is feels like
after all these years
when you thought of me as worthless.
Useless and easy to throw away,
Viewed as a coward,
when my head was buried in the sand.
Like vomit in a toilet,
I’ve been easy to flush down,
a nuisance of the worst kind.
It sticks to me,
the inability to sleep at night,
the knocking on my  brain
keeps me awake.
Pounding before I fall asleep
and pounding  hours before I should wake up.
Fighting continuous battles I do not want.
Open my eyes, you told me,
and function properly at a capacity of your doing,
your own choice.
Right or wrong,
I don’t deserve this punishment.
It’s easy to point at weakness,
bring another to the knees,
and gather one more time
to laugh.
When you aren’t capable of looking
at your own faults,
at who you have turned into,
someone different.
I’m not what I used to be,
but neither are you.

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