A classmate of mine posted a picture from high school. It happens to be our 25th high school reunion this weekend. As I looked and read about everyone attending, some of them had kids already in college, some are still having kids, some didn’t want any kids (including myself), some are still married, some are divorced, some remarried, some never married (including myself). A lot of us gained weight while some are the same size or lost weight. Most of us have white and gray hairs unless they dyed their hair. I’m realizing now my high school biology teacher did that every month. I’m also realizing I don’t remember certain things that happened way back then and some things I wish I could forget but never will. I lost touch with all of my class, but reconnected when Facebook came onto the scene. Good friends from high school are no longer friends for one reason or another. We grew apart and went our separate ways. I guess this is what life is all about. Some of it was downright shitty while other parts of it are just okay.
Since being out of high school, I’m learning to justify myself less and understand everyone screws up more than once in their lives, but more see this is on everyone’s life chart whether realized or not. Screwing up, some more than others, and then learning to forgive yourself is a human process for every living person. It doesn’t skip over any person as much as I would prefer it to be this way. It’s the hardest thing to contend with for many people. We really are the product of our upbringing, but for those of us who are taken out of something horrible, there’s something that’s different with us. It completely revamps who you are personality wise. Hopefully, it will come through in a creative way in one of my book ideas. I believe it will be my most powerful story I will ever write. This is, of course, if I do it the right way. As I grapple with certain things I know to be true concerning my own life, I can’t help but think of people who sacrifice themselves.
I’m hoping there won’t be as many unresolved emotions and feelings to deal with ten years from now, but people are complex and there are many layers. If people are like onions, they resist being peeled. I have stories that will make people cry. I also have stories that will make people appreciate life. It’s the in crap in between I’m trying to reach, to resolve, to better myself and others. The one thing I’ve always found satisfaction in is when I attain solitude. I might not have the calmest of minds, but I try to incorporate it into my weekly life in some way. The bottom line is I’m doing the best I can within my grasp. I’m not the person I was in high school and going back to any reunion isn’t for me, but I wish everyone has a blast as I’ll be devoting the weekend to rewriting. If I expose myself to more people, I prefer to do it through my writing. This will be the greatest reward life can give me and that I can give myself (for now anyways). Cheers and enjoy your weekend.