Journal Entry Type #75: Get it Together! Your Face is Counting on You!

I still don’t understand Twitter or Tiktok and yet, I find myself looking at both despite not having either one. I refuse to be ruled by social media even more than I already am. I finally finished my rewrite and going to be sending it to be proofread to someone early next week. I can’t state enough how glad I am to be done with it. It’s about damn time and the little changes made won’t be so drastic that I hope to have it self published by the end of April. That will give the person I’m hiring February to do what he needs to do, March for me to do what I need to do, and April to create my cover.

I could go headstrong into my next story idea which is my two sisters idea. The novel I most want to write because it will be not only the most emotionally significant to me but so ever rewarding. I’m sure I will say this about my third novel idea, what I hope will turn into a trilogy as that was my original intent, but first things first. I revamped the order of my story ideas to write and yet, before I can do anything, I need to get more centered. I’ve been putting off so many things such as reading short stories I promised my roommate I would critique. I’ve been putting off my Yoda puzzle begging for me to start and now my Yoda Legos tempting me to build.

The last week of January is almost here and no longer can use my birthday as an excuse to relax. God knows, I’ve been relaxing for much of the last three months in many ways. I consider this a long vacation although not really what I wanted under the circumstances. All I can say is I look forward to reuniting with things remaining elusive while I try to balance my life. A little less looking at stupid things on the Internet might help but it’s all in the name of learning new things, right? I’m forever trying to commit to ways that bring me a feeling of being centered. It comes down to knowing what I need to do versus taking the time and energy to do them without getting ahead of myself.

When I’m jogging, I think about reading. When I’m reading, I think about reading something else. When I’m rewriting, I think about the next story I want to write. When my feet are cold, I think about the last time I showered. When I watch TV, I think about my lack of blogging. I hope I’m not the only one to have an combination of an overworking mind during the day and sluggish and tired mind during the night or vice versa. I’m at the point of my life where I need to reign it in and not by injecting a sedative into my brain (in a crazy kind of way that only a writer can identify with or someone who creates things), but in a way where it isn’t coming from self-destruction.

There’s been much debate with the tortured artist/writer/creator. It exists in most of us in some fashion. It’s only those that let it consume them does it manifest itself in negative ways. One only has to look at anyone who has committed suicide or dealt with suicidal tendencies (not the band). It’s something within the core of many of us that never truly dies (pun not intended) and yet, it can be great sources of creativity for any writer. The territory of juggling my life is often tied to how I feel about my own life’s pace and situation. For all the time I could’ve been writing and rewriting in the past twenty years, I could’ve had already five or ten books under my belt. I could’ve had even more time to write and ended my writing ambitions with a few more titles to my name. I took a major detour and one, I believe will help to me write my next story in less time and chore of rewriting in even lesser time.

Still being a novice writer hangs over my head. How much inspiration should I gain from the books I read? How much should I discard and banish from my brain? How much should I divulge in my next story? If I’m writing it from the heart and not the hip, how much should I obsess on how it should be written and what to include and exclude? These are the writing questions keeping me up at night. I would think other writers do the same, no matter how skilled or how many books they have written. Or is it just me that can be completely entrenched in the pre-writing, writing, and post-writing process? All writers need discipline, ideas, patience, and humility. I think most of all writers need a thick coat of armor for rejection/criticism. It takes guts to put yourself and your work out in the public. This is what I’m prepping for and good luck to those who make the world a better place one story at a time.

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