Poem: It’s What I Got

If that day ever arrives, I will not thank you, 
even if you beg. 
You will not be able to use my name.
That will be for sure.  That will be for sure.
One year of learning turned into twenty-five years of payback.
And no, I have not seen a better life.
I have not gained more.
I actually have lost something within me.
After all these years, I still question.
Did I do the right thing?  
Did I make the right choice?
Is my dream dead?
I could be twenty years closer to the end.
There is only forgiving myself and yet, as I feel this bitterness
within me, I know it isn't right.
You did not drag me across state lines.
But, there was the temptation on your fishing line.
A half-eaten worm I saw as whole.
This was the lie you gave me, and I swallowed it,
no objections whatsoever.
I should have spit the worm out sooner.
Another twenty years, I wonder if my irritation will be gone.
Will this be the situation I have not resolved?
Some only have six, others have one-hundred and counting,
more have fifteen, and most under thirty.
The cravings, the urgings, and the visions are there.
For either the meaning has changed,
or I have not changed at all.

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