Journal Entry Type #116: Good Riddance 2021. Hello, No Resolutions 2022.

I’ve never been one to want the year to end as 2021. Of course, I thought the same thing the past two years. It’s never been quite right since 2019. My whole life feels like it’s been uprooted and not in a good way. I moved to another state in 2018. I have pretty much acclimated to living in the desert minus the eczema on my legs. It seems many things have eluded me in life. I want it but whether I get it is a whole different story. I wish I could go back in time and redo many things. I can put all my eight fingers and two thumbs on what could be better in my life. For all the positive thinking the world needs, it’s also important not to sugar coat problems and live in a fantasy world where everything is just peachy. There’s a lot wrong with society, especially U.S. culture and customs as of late, and for this I go into 2022 with some reservations and much caution. I’m a little disillusioned about what is happening in Washington D.C. I’m still getting used to my new work hours and responsibilities. I wonder what 2022 will really have in store for me and how many things I want in life continue to not happen because I don’t have the motivation or want to make the time. Another part of me wonders if it’s not in the cards to begin with and why even attempt or try to make it work. These are topics and emotions many go through in life, but it’s much harder when you don’t seem to have any clear-cut direction or answers. I suppose this is a part of growing up to the reality of simple, mundane, and boring. There is such a thing as running out of energy. The thrill of the ride ended a long time ago. It’s hard to see any kind of surface because you’re too far below the water. You wonder if you have become a kind of mechanical robot within a living human being. There must be more than this disappointment and unfulfillment. There must be something left than this missing spark. No one should find comfort within electronics. It should be found out in nature. Yet, I’m not wanting to venture out in nature. I want to be under my bed covers while watching anything on my TV. Like COVID that keeps hanging around and mutating, I too can’t seem to shake my current situation. I’m feeling a little lost and destination is completely unknown. I suppose this is good and bad. It means nothing is forever. It means I still have about 45 years left to live (I hope). There is time to do more in and with my life. Maybe, I’m looking for a miracle to occur in 2022. I know I could use one. I would also love to win the lottery. Now, I just have to cross state lines into CA and buy a lottery ticket there. There’s more a possibility of me doing anything else but that so all I have left is knowing 2022 is around the corner whether I change or not.

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