Journal Entry Type #121: Nothing but New Things, I Guess

There’s not much to report except I bought a few new stamps, puzzles, and started a new journal. There’s something unexpected that might be happening in my life when my lease runs out. I never thought it would be so soon, but it’s looking more promising than ever. I’m not 100% sure how to feel about it, a quarter excited, a quarter surprised, a quarter concerned, and the rest a mixture of wondering about the logistics and if something could happen between now than then that it doesn’t need to happen. More later, I guess, but for now I’m keeping it under wraps. It’s not like people really care too much about my life except me and those closest to me (that have actually seen me in person).

I’ve been busy with work and all I can say is its interesting. I don’t plan on doing this forever and see it as an opportunity to learn something new (and I’m definitely learning new things both physically and mentally). Due to my work schedule, I’m not really writing all that much despite me wanting to write on the weekends. I find myself doing anything and everything but that including laundry, dishes, watching TV (now Olympics), reading, coloring, grocery shopping, and more.

Frankly, it’s okay because while my second novel is calling me sometimes, I’m not ready to dive into it 100% for reasons that are clear to me but not to anyone else. I’ve realized with all the free time people have outside of work and commuting, it’s not really all that much time, and how to structure your outside of work time is even harder for someone like me. My list is always long on my days off and while I could devote all my time to one thing, I’d be neglecting other things. It’s hard to have balance in life. I’ve forever tried to achieve that and right now not being very successful.

Life is cyclical and while someone my age should be a lot more successful and prosperous, here I am. There’s a push and pull going on inside of me, a battle of wills, but as many people deal with during their lives at some point, I can’t help to think where I am living and what I’m doing can’t be the only thing I have in life. There has to be something more in life to offer me. This is my dilemma. Coasting between life responsibilities and personal expectations and dealing with what occurs whether it falls way short of either one. The one thing I thought was my true purpose in life seems to not be the case, not the way I thought it would be and wanted it to be, because let’s face it, there’s a lot of garbage out there besides the crap you find in a landfill. As I make my way further into 2022, I wonder what it is all for? Seriously, what is it all for?

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