Journal Entry Type #124: Crisis Mode

There’s a lot of stuff going on right now and by stuff, I mean, stuff that sends everything into a tailspin. The other day I saw a military helicopter flying at night toward or away from Nellis Airforce Base. It wasn’t that dark so I could see the outline of the loud helicopter. It got me thinking of how I would feel if fighting (a war) occurred near me and had to deal with the fact I might not be alive tomorrow. It got me thinking what countries would be effective in protecting themselves, the citizens. This was about a week ago and now here is the world witnessing the invasion of Ukraine by Russian military by the direction of a leader called Putin. It would be easy to call him a madman, but he is because his own citizens don’t completely agree with him and are doing this at the cost of being placed in jail or worse for speaking out. Putin is the instigator and he’s not trying to purge Ukraine of Nazis including Zelenskyy (including the fact he is Jewish) and undesirables. This is Putin being an overzealous dictator wanting to bully his way into Democratic like countries and gain control over independent people. Putin’s actions will bring inevitable violence to Russians across the world because the ability to differentiate leaders from followers is overlooked by emotional baggage. It is disgusting to see Russian tanks rolling through Ukrainian cities and forcing Ukrainian civilians to fight for their country. The positiveness in this complete and utter darkness is NATO countries helping Ukraine with weapons and supplies.

It seems futile to speak of my personal life with all of this happening, but I will say the end result is undecided and while I would love resolution right now, I have to wait and see what materializes out of the actions I have taken so far. My thoughts are in many different places and my heart is undecided about where it should go except the general direction. There are times I think life would be so much easier had it been mapped out for me like directions such as turn left at age 15, speed up to 30 mph at age 27, go uphill five times at age 42, then downhill three times at age 50, and more until you are gone. How awesome would that be to have your life planned out for you? Would it make life easier overall? I think it would because there is less mystery and would mean a person’s life is set in stone. The actual life I lead is probably a combination of perception and possibility rolled with some inevitability and chance. The resolve to work my life into what it should be continues and while it won’t change a damn thing, hope for de-escalation between Russia and Ukraine.

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