Advice Type #2: Should You Get Divorced?
I have never been married, not in this lifetime, and whether in a past life, well. probably. I bring this up because while I don’t plan on ever getting married, it still baffles me why people who get married then kill their husbands or wives because divorce isn’t an option. I’ve watched enough TV shows about crime to know you are more likely to get killed by someone you know than someone you don’t know. A stranger coming out of the shadow in the night is not likely although it does happen. I have yet to write a story about a guy I saw (assumed it was a guy) as I was running late at night over 20 years ago. I saw the outline of a guy carrying a woman who was limp. I couldn’t see where her head was (resting on his chest or hanging down because that’s what gravity does when you die) but I could see both outlines clear enough to know he was carrying the person somewhere. By the time I got to where they were, he and the woman (assumed it was a woman) were gone. What I don’t remember is if he got in a car, but I think he went inside his house. I was running in a residential area. When I passed the area, I said to myself I hope she’s okay. This has crossed my mind a few times since it occurred.
I know married couples who’ve gotten divorces, expected and are still friends, as well as couples who clearly are better off not speaking to each other ever again. If you find yourself not getting along with someone you used to care about and spent most likely a chunk of money to celebrate your union, go to couples therapy to see if you can find common ground and make it work. I can tell you from personal experience that I’ve been through hell and back with the person I’m seeing. We’ve been together for almost 15 years and at that point where yes, we sometimes act like a married couple even though we aren’t. He says I eat old lady candy and I tell him he’s stupid when he says the dumbest things. The point is nothing is forever. I’ve said this many times to him. I said we could not be forever even though I am at a point where I’ve been the most committed to someone in my life. If I die first, my money will go to him and not a relative. So yes, it is that serious (in a way). If we ever did get married, we would sign prenuptial agreements. Hell yes, we would, because people get crazy when they separate and divorce.
I remember some breakups in my 20s and they did not go well. I can’t imagine being married to someone and having to split up your belongings without a prenup. I don’t have as much as millionaires do but I’ll be damned anyone gets my magnet collection. When children are involved, jeez, look out for all out battles occurring. One only has to look at Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to see it goes sour really quickly and stays that way for a long time when one or both parties decide to play this game of who can be the top dog. I’m not saying it’s easy to get divorced. I think in this time period, it should not be looked down upon to legally separate from someone you once committed your life to, and you know why? Because people’s minds change when it comes to interests and while you might have committed to something in your 20s, you obviously don’t feel the same passion you once felt. The same goes for people where when you stop learning and the feelings are radically different from long ago, it’s time to move on when you’ve exhausted all possibilities within your means. This doesn’t include abusive relationships in any way. I have to say this because this is another reason why I never wanted to get married. I didn’t have the greatest example set by my biological parents and because of this, well, here I am needing to claim single on my tax return every year even though I’m not (in partial reality).
So, should a person get married and not feel pressured? Yes. Should a person get divorced and not be ashamed of it? Yes. Should you get married as many times as you want? I suppose. To me, it’s a big waste of money unless you are Liz Taylor. The bottom line is while the institution of marriage is rooted in patriarchy, there is something to be said about the love of two people. There is also the need for getting out of a marriage that isn’t working. So yes, divorce is definitely necessary. I don’t think religion should dictate whether you get divorced. There are no perfect marriages, not even among royalty, just ask Prince Charles. That’s my take on marriage and divorce from someone who has thought about marriage here and there (if I’m honest) but never will take the plunge.
2 Comments on “Advice Type #2: Should You Get Divorced?”
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Thank you for your reply. There are many kinds of relationships. It’s a delicate balance of what feels right for you and what you are willing to compromise and what you will not bend for under any circumstance. My adoptive parents had a great marriage. They do exist but it takes work like everything else.
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This post rocked. Thank you. I’ve been married twice. The last one I thought would last forever, and likely because I am inclined to give everything a college try. I’m happy that I’m divorced and will NEVER remarry. Marriages that are still happy are super rare.
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