Journal Entry Type #144: Be Real Not Fake, Please!

Hello everyone,

I’m starting this out a little differently by how I started this JET. I suppose I’m way overdue on my blog entries for September, given it’s now the 8th of this month. Two family members have a birthday this month and will be half a century old. Jeez, time flies by when living your adult life. This means I’m getting closer to that age as well, that dreaded age to some which is 50, if you haven’t put two and two together. I have a sarcastic side to me, if you haven’t noticed already, but I’m also into empathy and consideration. I speak up for myself as well, more so than ever, because being assertive is a positive trait to have when done the right way. I’ve been around many people in public and some strangers are nice and others not to nice.

Lately, I’m thinking of a person I know who has the hardest outer shell I’ve seen in a while. The person also spits when talking to you, which is gross in and of itself, but this isn’t the biggest turnoff. It’s the person’s attitude and how the s/he treats others that’s the ugliest part of him or her. The inside core of who s/he is signals unhappiness in his or her own life. S/he barks orders while being lazy as I’ve heard stories and walks around as if s/he owns the place. In other words, s/he is a narcissist with ineffective communication skills. I don’t know how this person has gotten to where they are now. Seriously, I don’t know how. This is not my call nor my problem (well in some respects).

I suppose I bring this up because I’d rather not be around this person and maybe soon, I will get my wish. More or less, this person is responsible for his or her own unhappiness because this person is definitely not happy. I’m not going to take this stupidity on my shoulders or let it affect me when I’m not around this person. This is probably one of the biggest challenges to many people, which is not bringing outside experiences with you when you step into your apartment or house. Avoidance isn’t the right answer either. I think a happy medium is good, if it is there to find. I keep my distance from this person as much as possible, but the fakeness is ever present. I’d rather have the person not talk to me at all compared to someone clearly forcing themselves to be semi-human with his or her fake politeness. It’s not a pretty sight.

This blog was meant to be more uplifting and positive. I failed in this respect but it’s the real me as I’ve tried my best to be authentic in my private life as I am around others in public. I’ve improved in some areas where the image of myself is closer to the actual person I am. There’s more work to do. I’ve gotten back into writing and plan on doing more this weekend although I have to spend more time on the weekdays in order for me to finish my second novel. I’ve also gotten back into reading, coloring, and puzzling but slower than in the past. I used to read books as if they were going out of style and coloring when I wasn’t working as much and puzzling instead of overeating.

Maybe, I should get back into doing all those things with that mindset, but this is a part of growing up. I’m not the same person I was 20 years ago. The remaining 50 or more years if I’m lucky remain to be seen but the imagination of it is more realistic than ever before. The similarities of my goals and frustrations haven’t changed much and this is where I find myself now, moving forward in a linear fashion. I venture to say many others are too in their lives.

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