Journal Entry Type #146: Here We Are Again

I feel like I’ve failed again completing blog postings at the end of September, but I have a good reason, I suppose. It’s not an excuse but I’ve come to a point in life where I’m not going to apologize for living my life the way I want to, no matter how lazy I have become in some instances, and jeez, have I really become lazy when it comes to the eating better and exercising department. They basically don’t exist anymore. I’ve eaten to where my stomach is completely satisfied and happy with being fed more junk food as I like to call crap. I recently watched old Halloween ads about well Halloween and most of it was ridiculous especially the commercials for Frankenberry and Boo-Berry cereal. Since when did sugar or any derivative have vitamins in it as this cereal maker called GM or General Mills. The bottom line is I’ve got to change my tune. I’ve got to eat better. I’ve got to start moving again so my legs and hips don’t hurt so much.

I’ve been still on the hunt although having to work extra hours at work doesn’t help for new opportunities and I mean on all fronts. I started creating my sand art again but this time I’m also doing research into opening an online store to sell my stuff that is taking up precious space in the apartment. Again, the motivation for doing this is to try new things and try to get what I want in life. I’ve kept the different horror story scenarios to a minimum in my mind, which is why I’m starting out slow and seeing where this online store goes. Who knows what will happen, but I haven’t seen anything similar to it on the Internet. Sure, there are people who put sand in small bottles like myself and people who put sand in larger bottles, but I haven’t seen the end result of anyone spending as much time as I do because they probably aren’t crazy like I am to do this. I mean it’s not everyone’s cup of tea to spend hours trying to perfect something and do it all over again when it doesn’t look right. The bottom line is to be as fearless as you can allow yourself and give yourself a chance to succeed.

I’m starting a new journal, which is fitting for how I’ve been feeling lately about my life. It’s hard to feel positive and grateful for many of us. Trust me, I know all about the despondent feelings and misforgiving emotions one has when the parts of life are no longer pleasant. But for all the talk of wanting to trailblaze this little part of my world and navigating this world alone, my mentality in my teenage and early twenties, I’m thankful for the support system around me even though it’s a small circle. On that note, I’ve been immersing myself into new and old TV shows and finding courage to take action even if I fail in the middle or end. My life in the past few weeks in photos remain the same as if I had written it in my journal: I eat gelato, I try to read, and I bleed. How about yours?

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