Journal Entry Type #153: Are You Tired, Yet?

I don’t know if anyone has noticed but when you start a blog entry, it asks you a random question. I ignore and delete them. This one asked the equivalent of where you are today is what you envisioned last year. I would say a big no because I thought I’d be in management somewhere in the casino industry. It was not to be because while there are opportunities in Las Vegas, there are equally as many doors that close to you or never opened in the first place. This year I kept my options open and applied to many different jobs throughout the months. I got many denials and passes and no kinds of responses, but I managed to get one response where they wanted to interview me and then interview me a second time. I truly wasn’t thinking anything would come of it. I set no expectations except doing my best and putting my best foot forward. When I was offered the job, I was surprised to say the least. I put in my two weeks at my current job and went through the motions.

I met some very nice and cool people during my short time there. This is what I will miss the most, but I believe this is partly the reason I was offered the position as I told them in my second interview I truly enjoy working with my co-workers (as we operated well as a team). Despite this feeling, there’s a kind of unsettling within me as the transition from my twice removed job to this one, it seems I never quite was able to put my feet firmly into the earth. I used to feel grounded in the past and haven’t been able to capture it in a long time. I’m sure my work schedule was a part of it. I didn’t have to wake up to an alarm clock and the earliest I fell asleep was 3 am. I’ve always been a night owl by nature, but come next week, I’m going to have to change my tune. I’m sure my body will get used to it because I have no choice.

I’ve recently watched a few episodes of Chris Hemsworth going through these mental and physical challenges. I think doing modified challenges would be good for me. I’d like to get past this point of laziness I’ve lived for a good year. There’s also the challenge of Sjogren’s and as much as I’d like to deny I have it, my constant fatigue and dry mouth tell me otherwise. As I end 2022 and all the crap it left behind, there’s less of a miracle and more reality. Sometimes hard work doesn’t get you shit but sometimes it does. Life isn’t fair much of the time. Grass is greener often where I’m not. Still through all these hurdles, I need to keep going and try to conquer 2023 as much as I can. End of my thoughts and rants.

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