Journal Entry Type #162: Up the Hill, Down the Hill

Without going into too much detail, I’m on the radar for the next opportunity, also called a job, because I’ve been laid off. I never thought I would be looking for another job this year, but here I am doing just that. I know a part of me belongs to a handful of other people looking for another job. I know I’m not the only one but it still sucks. I never thought I would be here at this point in my life. When I found out, it was a huge surprise, like gigantic, gargantuan-sized surprise. When I transitioned into this new job, while I didn’t want to stay there forever, it was a good stepping-stone, and hoped would bring me closer to the end goal. I guess not. It was a huge denied. Many things I wanted to do and looked forward to in the future I know need to put off like getting another tattoo, retouching my current ones, staying at a hotel on the LV strip, among other things where you need money. I spent some of my time already applying to jobs and doing my best to remain positive. Of course, I had a full range of emotions after learning this news. I wasn’t there long enough to call anyone my friend and while I haven’t figured it out yet, I’m not quite sure what I was supposed to learn. I’m not going to get into a debate of spirituality, religion, and similar topics, but when I find myself on shaky ground, I tend to turn inward and question a lot of things from the past few months. I’m not going to say this outcome didn’t sting, but I also understand and reinforced by someone with a lot of personal and professional experience that there was more going on than the obvious. I should’ve been on more alert when I noticed some characteristics in my co-workers that was questionable and maybe that was the lesson. My response to it was unbelievable and how stupid it was to come to this end result.

I’m trying hard to really follow what I believe and need to feel in order to become and be a stable, healthy, and well-rounded person. With everything going on, like I said my emotions were all over the place as they should be, and they went from surprise to anger to rage to irritation to sadness and back to surprise. I know that once you leave a workplace you will never come back to or want to come back to in most cases, a part of you thinks good riddance and a part of you thinks it’s a loss. I’ve done some reflection over the years of what would’ve happened had I never moved out of the state I lived in most of my life. I know I wouldn’t have the kind of experiences and views now if I had stayed there and retired at the age of 55. I suppose it’s the dream of most people to be able to retire at the age of 55. I probably would’ve retired around the age of 60 had I remained there and probably own a bigger house than the condo I lived in before moving to CA.

My life has been a series of starts and stops, ups and downs, and right and left turns that took way longer than I wanted. There were detours. I suppose this is a major one. I’ve been putting it on the back burner starting a small business of any kind, but 2023 is the year. I’ve decided to take the plunge and while I am starting out very small with my partner in this t-shirt business, we are taking the next steps to make this a reality. We have also thought of short and long terms goals. It’s good to keep it realistic. There’s many people selling their own brand of t-shirts and other items like cups, mouse pads, bumper stickers, and more. I’ve looked at a few videos about starting a t-shirt business and read a few articles about what not to do and what you definitely should do to give yourself the best opportunity to make it in the t-shirt selling industry. Obviously, knowing your audience is important and to not suppress your creativity, but also don’t try to fit into a mold you think will be successful and popular. You need to find your niche, which is what partner says. You don’t need billions of people to buy your t-shirts although that would be awesome. It’s better to think smaller (at first) and research is important before you take the plunge. I used to work part time at a deli that was known for its bread because the owner baked his own bread. It was soft, thick, and the rye bread was to die for along with the okra soup. I bring this up because while I’m sure it wasn’t the first place to have lunch lines out the door each week, the person who owned it new his niche and brand. You also need to consider price, brand, quality, printing, style, marketing, and selling platforms whether in store or online.

I’m learning to find and accept the evolution and journey when something stops and you have no choice but to start down a new path. As I begin down a new trajectory, I’m remaining as grounded as I can and be motivated every day to gain ground. It’s clear this isn’t where I wanted to be and I’m sure others handle being laid off from a job easier than others. There’s a weird dichotomy of remaining calm and being a basket case with any new discovery and the experience that comes with it until it resolves itself. The only way it will resolve is by taking action. Nothing gets done with inaction. I’ve been putting off giving opportunities a chance including starting a small business and maybe now can squeeze in a little more writing, reading, blogging but giving the most time to the adult responsibilities I sometimes wish I didn’t have but do.

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