Pisaries Creator

My dreams usually consist of getting away from someone or proving myself to someone inferior to my intelligence, gifts, and moods. Every time I wake up, I’m never in a cold sweat or panicking because much of my walking life has some similarities to my dreams. The only difference is my dreams are not real in physical space. How much it exists in the physical time remains to be decided because even though I’m in a dream state, time is still ticking away second by second even though the clock is never visible to me.

I’ve had dreams where I’m fighting to preserve my life and others when I’m the one taking the life. If the person deserved it, I’m not sure. My dreams unlike my life fade into a kind of grey darkness right before I wake up and remember what happened. My brain remembers the major details like how I was feeling, the intent of the other person (usually my enemy), the actual person’s identity, and a few minor ones that stick around hours after I’m well into my day. As I’m talking and typing, my brain is on my dream. What did that mean when I placed the sauerkraut on the meat and feeding it to a stranger? Was I a Nazi in my past? Was I Jewish in my past? Was I neither and hiding because I took another life form?

Last week I had a dream regarding an old place I worked. I thought that part of my life was over but here I was on a Sunday in this food establishment creating a greasy breakfast the way I liked it for myself. This place didn’t serve breakfast but here I un-scrambling eggs because I could. The original owner was no longer the owner. He was still hanging around like a long-forgotten spider. No one paid attention to him. Decorations were hanging from the wall, dangling from the ceiling, and placed on various tables and chairs. The need of having to work two jobs was something I did not want to do but life is never easy, is it? This is what I thought as I scarfed down my eggs so I could serve people hot and cold lunches.

This dream I had last night was one I’ve never had before. I woke up alone where everyone had died because that was the only logical explanation. When I turned on the TV, there were no newscasters conducting their 30 or hour news programs. I couldn’t get any kind of news even on Fox. MSNBC and CNN had nothing but those primary colors blocks showing there was unintended interruption. There was nothing about the programming coming back shortly. The emergency broadcast testing blurb that comes on early in the morning when everyone should be sleeping but only a few knuckleheads are still awake like me and those needing to work first shift never appeared on the screen. My thought was there was no one alive to hit the button on the computer or flip the switch on the wall to start the notification. That couldn’t be right, could it? There was no way everyone died but me. If that was true, shit I really lived life the wrong way because then I would claim karma is the biggest bitch ever. There would be no one to tell my thoughts too and despite my true feelings, I would be lonely in body and spirit.

I realized for the first time I would be a lonely person if I was the only one alive. What would I do with myself if I learned with absolute certainty that I was the only one left in the world? I probably would change a little over time. There would be no reason to work anymore. No one would be left to create or buy anything. I would have enough time to read my books, watch movies for as long as the electricity lasted without paying my bills, and I guess I could drive my car until my money was depleted. I’m not skilled enough to siphon gas out of pumps. But then what after that? Would I lose hope finally and want to die finally because I had lost my all my freaking marbles.

In other words, I might be screwed from any forward angle. As much as I want to make progress outside of my dreams, it seems most of my hopes, visions, and ambitions are carried out when I’m sleeping. Does this mean I’m sleeping when I’m awake and too awake when I’m sleepy? I mean I am so strong, able, courageous, risking everything for integrity in this dream. I face this dream state without fear or anxiety. My skin is like a snake with poison inside. My tongue is long like an anteater so I’m never hungry if food goes scarce. My hands are large like the paws of a cougar that will rip any enemy to shreds. My legs have the strength of an elephant where one kick will send someone flying through the air. My face is always protected. My eyes can see danger miles away. My nose smells the faintest of danger including a hint of betrayal and a squirt of obsession. I have become the poster example of reliance because there is no one left to answer or get my answers.

I wish there were others still alive in this dream. What a delight this would be to find connection and camaraderie after a few years. We would see each other not as enemies but friends. Our differences would be minimized and forgotten. Any luck bestowed upon us would become part of our master plan. Like Thelma and Louise from the movie, we could drive until we couldn’t drive anymore and then take our adventure into the orange and red sky. What good would this do for our survival? Why not go even further by testing our physical limits? Even in my dream, I know I am capable of more, so I don’t want to wake up anytime soon. Keep me committed to living while I’m sleeping and when I’m awake don’t let me sleep anymore.