I can’t believe it has been two weeks since I haven’t blogged. I’ve been really lazy in all kinds of ways from my rewriting, coloring, exercising, and reading. It seems I don’t want to do anything worth any substance. I don’t know how people find time to do things after work like feed their children or go to the gym regularly. I’m having a damn hard time finding any inspiration and motivation to do anything. I can’t be the only one to have this problem. If someone would have told me this is what it would feel like at my age, I’m not sure I would believe them. I’m not sleeping well and for the last month haven’t really slept through the night. I get rest in bits and pieces on the weekend and takes me way too long to sleep during the week. I don’t even know what to say anymore and hoping the energy calms down after the midterms. I decided to take a week off work during this time and try to relax as much as I can. I know people say I can sleep when I’m dead, but I’d love to be able to sleep now a little better.
Sometimes I say it feels my emotions and brain have been through a meat grinder. I’m looking forward to getting out of the desert and hope to make strides with my rewrite and maybe making it a point to blog more consistently in November and December. Obviously not blogging isn’t helping me rewrite any faster. I don’t need to write down every little thing I do whether online or in my personal physical journal or every thought on my mind, but it does help sometimes clear mental confusion. October and Halloween have always been a weird month for me. I love horror movies for obvious reasons. I have a dark side within me as does everyone. There’s something macabre when it comes to reading about horror. I still have big dreams although I don’t need a big room anymore to fit these dreams. My accomplishments are definitely micro not macro. I’m excited to start my third novel idea which I’m sort of making up on the fly and abandoning my original third novel idea. Not that I won’t go back to my original third novel idea and finish the damn thing.
I’m also excited to finally explore selling some of my creative stuff if this other opportunity doesn’t happen. It’s time to light a true fire under my ass again and get the rusty wheels moving. Here’s to blogging more, writing more, reading more, sleeping more, exercising more while obsessing less, pondering less, resisting less. I find achieving hard for me to do consistently when it comes to my personal life. I haven’t quite figured out how to keep the balance over time and stick to my routine that gives me the best stability. I hope I get there again next year with losing weight, writing more consistently, and attaining a kind of peace I desire. It’s like calm in the storm. Finding the light when it’s dark. Knowing when to walk away and when to fight. Continuing to find the tiny sparks around you because we know too well much of the time the energy, light, and fire keeping you going can disappear in a heartbeat. Life is what it is but whether you like it or not is up to you.
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