Journal Entry Type #6

25When I write in my actual journal, I usually start it with something along the lines of “Well, another week has passed and dealing with the same shit.” or “Today is Wednesday, and I haven’t written in a while.”  I’m writing as if my journal actually understands what the hell I’m talking about when it has no clue.  I write about all the things usually bothering me that day or did bother me in the week so it doesn’t build up.  I write about the messed up dreams I’ve recently had I neglected to write about the day it happened.  Or, I write about the things I don’t have and wish I had.  I write about not having those feelings and emotions that don’t serve me well.  I also write about those things going well in my life, but realize saying “just think positive” doesn’t solve all my problems.  As much as I want life to be that easy and actually am ready for it mentally now, it usually never happens.

50I used to justify the amount of time or lack of time I spent on my blog for one reason or another.  It wasn’t fun anymore and saw it as a chore about a year after I signed up.  It felt I was saying the same thing over and over.  I mean how many times can I write different poem with similar words and moods?  How many months pass where I don’t write a short story because frankly I can’t churn them out like some writers nor do I feel like writing at the moment?  A writer who doesn’t want to write.  Imagine that!  I’m not willing to burn the midnight oil as much anymore, but realize I need to refocus on my rewrite.

75As April is upon me now, I have three months left to finish my rewrite.  My goal is to have it done by the end of June.  The good thing is I took some days off coming up to dedicate myself solely to it.  I want it to be 400+ pages, but I’ll be lucky if I make it to 350.  Quality versus quantity is what I’ve been trying to do instead of mindless quantity concerning my blog.  The same goes for my novel ideas.  In other areas of my life, I was supposed to have lost 15 pounds by now, but only lost 10.  My knees aren’t so strong as they used to be, but will take them while they are still in their 40s.  Do I have a choice?  I just found out my vision has changed again so I need new lenses.  The fun never stops. 

So where is the 100% icon?  I’m not there yet.  I’m not the best blogger out there when it comes to new content every day and sometimes I let it lapse for a whole week, but I appreciate everyone who has followed my blog at one point or another.  With this in mind, I hope to do a little more browsing and reading of other people’s entries this month because it seems only fair.


Pisaries Creator


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