Journal Type #25: Do I Feel Lucky? Thankful? Hopeful?

lucky17.jpgAs I was waiting in line with my roommate/partner for food this past weekend, I told him I hadn’t really fulfilled any of my 2019 New Year resolutions/goals to the point of being happy about it. He says his usual, well you better start moving your ass then to get them done (as he’s nowhere near as ambitious or makes lists of things to do during the week and weekends). Due to miscommunication, we had a night filled with annoyance and the cake I made for him didn’t go as planned. Let’s just say he was forced to eat some of it before his birthday. I don’t get too much into U.S. holidays, but do enjoy the days off although this year I volunteered to work the day after Thanksgiving. Who wants to go shopping on Black Friday? Not me. We ate out last year at a French cafe, which was the wrong thing to do. They ran out of some of the food by the time we settled on a restaurant and didn’t have much selection for non-meat eaters. We should’ve eaten at the Las Vegas strip instead. This year we’re eating in the comfort of the apartment.

As much as I always wish for more of everything (I wonder if this is more human nature or an American value) I do feel lucky for what I have. I grew up in a family for most of my life that valued independence, individuality, creativity, and where everyone had an equal say (although I didn’t think this way when I got into trouble as a kid). My parents respected my preference to not spending every waking moment with them although we can’t anyway because everyone lives in different states. My roommate/partner enjoys time apart from each other as much I do. We have different lifestyles. He’s into video games, guitars, and music. I’m into movies, coloring, and hiking (although I didn’t do nearly enough of it). I like to fall asleep to the TV on where he does not so we sleep in separate bedrooms. I promised myself to get out more in 2019 despite me having goals that are better suited indoors like writing, reading, and coloring. I succeeded for a little bit. My roommate/partner discussed starting a small t-shirt and swimsuit business and getting more serious about it in 2020. I know the competition is stiff, but it never hurts to try something with adequate research. I look forward to finding other things to do in my life besides reading and watching movies. I want and need to push myself out of my introvert comfort zone. I want to explore and travel more.

So yes, I feel thankful and hopeful as November comes to a close. I’m lucky to have the ability to find and make the time to get things done in December and January before my parents come to visit in February.  There’s rarely a dull moment in my life (at least in my head), and I go to bed every night knowing life it what I make it to be and not anyone else. I’m sure you’re aware of the videos going around about perspective. This isn’t to say personal issues don’t matter because they do. While you might be bogged down deep in your issues, watching the video might trigger something so you don’t unnecessarily fall deeper into the hole. For me it triggers my ambition and the excitement to write a great sci-fi story, but that will come after all my other story ideas are written. Yes, we’re tiny living organisms compared to the size of Earth, but we are large in many other ways.

2019

2 Comments on “Journal Type #25: Do I Feel Lucky? Thankful? Hopeful?

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