I’m a sucker for progress and for repetition. I’ve thought about quitting my blog, taking it down, giving it up, doing other things in its place, but then I think of all the things I want to say and need to say in the future including my later years. I just finished watching a documentary about a Canadian author, Margaret Atwood, the one who wrote The Handmaid’s Tale and many other books. My goal is not to write as many books as she has, but I do want to write from the heart and soul, as she did. I think that’s what I’m doing, so far, in life when I write my blog posts. I admit I haven’t been writing as much as I should in my journal and gotten my thoughts out. I don’t write about some of the things I dream about because that’s way too personal to comment on, but it’s amazing how much a person can be shielded by writing fiction.
As I taught someone something new tonight, call it a tutorial if you will, I realize I like to be cryptic at times. I’m not willing to plaster my life to everyone (some parts at least), but other parts of my life not. I’m more cautious about who I tell things too and if someone wants to take the time to search me out, so be it by looking at my blog. I’m a person who expects people to do their part in getting to know me. I understand I’m a loner by nature and I don’t need much to be comfortable. At this point in my life, I’d just like to retire with some kind of normalcy and freedom. A part of me is tired of many things going on such as the effects of the Coronavirus (on all kinds of levels), the constant battles among people (who is right and who is wrong), and the thought of knowing if I come back in another life form that I am a radically different person.
I thought of all the kinds of things I could write in this post, being #900. What symbolism does it have? What does 9 mean in different cultures? Why do buildings not have a 13th floor or another number that is superstitious? Why is it so fucking expensive to live in New York City? Why are people turned off by the word “fuck?” Why do people feel the need to drive as if they are on a speed track close to where I live? Why does the same person drive his or her car all over the place and then make another go of it at 11 pm at night? Why? Why? Why? I’m too tired to focus on this anymore.
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”
My doctor thinks I might be losing my hearing. I don’t think I am, but what is for certain is I might need to get some medication to help with my arthritis pain. There’s time to see if it needs to happen later this year. I’ve been thinking a lot of what I’d do if I lost any of my senses. That would be so disheartening and I’m sure depression would set in. If I lost my sight or hearing, I’d have some major stumbling blocks. I don’t even want to think about it, but I do at random times. I would rather lose my sense of touch or taste if I lost anything although I know someone who can’t smell or taste anything anymore except salty or sweet things. This doesn’t sound fun by any stretch and while I had a set list of things to blog about and post, it’s going to filter into the weekend. Luckily, I’m still working but this week was more challenging for some reason.
I can’t wait until things go back to normal and whether things return to normal as much as possible in later 2020, I’m hoping the Coronavirus is a thing of the past (not gone) in 2021 and beyond. Then again, viruses love to mutate and humans are usually at the mercy of viruses and not the other way around. Like I said before to someone, viruses don’t give a shit what you look like or where you live. They love to infect anyone willing to be its host. With this in mind, I had intention of making this post organized and detailed without randomness. This is not what I’m doing because it’s getting hot enough where the heat is being held inside my apartment and now sweating. I refuse to turn on the air because it’s only mid April and it’s still snowing in parts of the Midwest. I’m more than happy it is Friday soon and will have the weekend to do more rewriting and working on my collections. I finally shifted over to the new format, which took some getting used to and parts of it is still irritating me. It’s all in a day’s mind, I guess, because transition is happening all around me. Good night, everyone.
“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”