Movie Review: After We Collided (2020)

Did you just call me an asswipe?


A few times I’ve accidentally bought a movie from Amazon when I did not mean too and then had to backtrack what I just did.  This time I waffled between whether I should rent or buy it or just let it go and watch something else.  I knew it was going to be bad.  I had read the reviews and they were not positive.  It had 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes that day.  My roommate didn’t understand why I would want to watch such garbage. 

After an hour of decision making, I took the plunge.  What movie am I talking about?  The movie is called After We Collided. I looked at Rotten Tomatoes today and it is up to 10%.  That’s what I call progress, but I conclude the first one was better because the acting was more fluid and dare, I say less jerkiness in the scenes.  There was a particular scene I had a hard time following and the ending was a little abrupt.  I heard reading the books help to follow that part of the story, but that isn’t going to happen for me.  It did lead me to watch Harry Styles on SNL after it was done. 

Alright, so what is After We Collided about?  It’s the continuation of Tessa (Josephine Langford) and Hardin’s (Hero Fiennes Tiffin) relationship or should I say lack of one.  This second installment is rated R as it uses the word “fuck” more than once as in “what the fuck are you doing, Tessa?” and the nudity especially in the shower scene.  The one where Hardin wastes half the bottle of body wash.  I don’t know about you, but the color seemed a little off.  A combination of blue and green but not exactly turquoise, wasn’t it?  It looked a little cheap to me like something you’d get at a dollar store.

If you are wondering, I didn’t put the trailer here for a reason. However, I did provide this scene that will forever resonate with me because of the way Hardin says Trevor.

Fast forward to their first meeting because you know they have to meet but don’t expect Hardin to change much or Tessa for that matter.  They are still young and stupid.  Tessa lost some of her innocence, but sexual tension is a major part of the story.  She moves between reserved to overfriendly when it comes to her sexuality.  This isn’t bad per se, but sometimes I feel she does things without much thought.  The only character with mental acuity that isn’t spastic is Trevor (played by Dylan Sprouse).  Remember the kid from Big Daddy?

I’m not sure what direction the relationship between Molly (Inanna Sarkis) and Hardin is going in the future movies, but jeez, if I were her, I’d kick Hardin where it counts the most for the way he treats her.  Sure, she isn’t exactly innocent.  They are toxic together but lusting after him seems futile.  Trust me, there are more fish in the sea.  Move on, sister.  Besides Hardin’s looks, what is he good for?  He becomes more unlikable at every turn.  Can’t he react without spazzing out or walking away before getting an explanation?  Can’t she respond without going that extra mile to make him jealous?

I might have watched it to see how fortunate I am not to be living in a train wreck of a relationship.  Hardin’s father (Rob Estes now) and Tessa’s mother (Selma Blair) make an appearance.  Of course, there is drinking at parties, but I really want to know how often Hardin listens to the Ramones?  I suppose it’s the old story of bad boy and good girl like each other but is too corrosive to last for any length of time.  I just wish this bad boy had less of it and the good girl had less bad tendencies that came out of nowhere. But for everything I just mentioned above, I still watched it and that is what the makers wanted. Well played. Well played, indeed.

I rate After We Collided Two Fingers at 61%.

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