Journal Entry Type #68: Frankly, I’m Stuck

I’ve been forever trying to get myself back in a routine. It’s been harder than normal for some reason. I find myself being in a mindset to do great things when I wake up, but as the minutes turn to hours, I’m sluggish and don’t feel like doing much. I haven’t been sleeping well at night for several reasons and when I do fall asleep it’s a damn miracle. I’ve been waking up later and later. I had these messed up dreams about North Korea last night, probably because I watched a show about it a few days ago. Either way, I woke up realizing I was trying to get away after being kidnapped and the dream before that trying to dodge giant ships while swimming in the ocean. My life has always been about weird dreams. I’m making progress with my final polish of my first novel, but not quick enough. I’m going to work on it today and tomorrow as that is my main focus this weekend. I still haven’t forgotten about my blogs I promised to write about before the week ends. Now that I finished my puzzle, I can’t use that as an excuse anymore. This entry doesn’t really serve much purpose and it doesn’t have the organization as my past entries. I suppose in addition to being stuck, I’m not sure if the original purpose in my head of existing matches the reality of what is going on with my life right now. In some ways, it is less complicated but in many ways more complicated. I feel as if I’m in a holding pattern and want to be over that obstacle I find myself standing. I’m not sure how to exactly get out of it or around it or over it. Maybe, it’s not for me to figure out right now and if I do a little something each day, that is enough. Although it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I’ve had to force myself to do something other than sit on my futon and mindlessly watching TV. Maybe, I need to get out into nature, near the mountains, because COVID has made everyone more on edge. I think of what I wanted 2020 to be like and the things I was looking forward to that will forever be lost. I guess I’m sick of 2020 and as much as we are responsible for our own thoughts and feelings, it’s been harder for me to keep it in check. So, here’s to the uncertainty 2020 brought to me and just about everyone else who is living with ever the hope 2021 is much better and resumes back to more normality.

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