Journal Entry Type #70: Third Week of December

I will have written 70 journal entries since the beginning of 2019 once this is posted. This is what I wrote back then, the second week of 2019. I find it good to look back to see where I was, although because I’m the person I am, it usually doesn’t change much. The words in red were written today.


This is sort of my first journal type entry I’ve been wanting to do more of so here it is.  I find myself doing a lot of inner dialogue concerning my life. This hasn’t changed. It’s easy to get into a rhythm of head space and personal demands.  It’s been a weird time of wanting more but being lucky what I have. This hasn’t changed either. I did some meditation today for the first time in a couple months. It’s my half attempt at regrouping although I definitely could use a lot more regrouping. If you aren’t aware of Doreen Virtue, check her out. Her cards offer great insight and self-reflection if you take the time to digest and use them properly. The only downfall I’ve recently encountered is the missing pages in some of the later card descriptions. Damn those printing errors.

I find myself getting into the rhythm of exercising to lose weight (first and foremost) and to get out my frustrations that build up along the way (second and also important).  I’m finally getting into the mindset of really wanting to work out which is a good thing most each day, but keeping it going to be the hardest part.  I don’t jog fast enough to call it running yet, but I’m getting there.  I did the HIIT method last night, which is rewarding and hard as hell at the same time. I’ve really struggled getting back on the exercise wagon since the gym is open, but I DO NOT want to catch COVID. I’ve heard too many horror stories of people around my age who got it and are still having issues getting their energy back. I really need to get to jogging outside again now that I got my water pack. The thing is I’ve been pushing myself more to get my final rewrite done before I get my first novel self-published. I probably won’t reach my soft deadline, which was about three years ago and my hard deadline which was about two years ago. Now, I have an even harder deadline but for sanity’s sake, let’s just call it the ever-transitioning deadline. The key thing I remember is I am making progress and one that I’m happy with (for the most part). I’m really looking forward to writing my second novel and my third novel where the creativity really starts jumping off the pages.

As I plug along and the weeks are going by pretty quickly already, I’m trying to live in a more fulfilling and balanced way.  I’m not so much tripping over my feet and relying on myself mentally, meaning to release things that don’t go as planned as quickly as possible and move on with my life. Time has seemed to drag on relatively slowly due to everything happening and not happening in 2020. I’m taking one day at a time, finding myself rebalancing my life again. The story of my life. The needing to stop living in a certain part of my life. The wanting to know what my future will hold. The letting go of not knowing what will happen and have faith no matter what doesn’t happen, it will be okay.

I’m seeking to gain confidence in neglected areas and strengthen the weak ones as I get deeper into 2019. Some of those things I neglected, I paid attention. Oher ones I continued to feed and they got stronger. Now, I need to turn away from those things.  I haven’t quite figured out how, but I will get there. I’m wanting to be more comfortable in my skin including being okay with my decision-making processes.  I’ve made strides in both of these areas. I’ve opened up to new possibilities and not limiting myself in spite of the comfort of staying static. I’m basically learning to have a voice that matches the way I was supposed to be from the start.  I’m finding myself able to get back into actually living my life, which is always a good thing.  I will end it as it began. I really hope my life has purpose when it ends beyond a few people. I suppose the busybodies behind the scenes is not something I should focus on. I need to focus on myself and find different avenues to share my stories if the current ones aren’t working. The rewards of writing a good story is my goal and that is what I shouldn’t lose sight of, never ever. My 2021 mantra will be to expand and explore in as many ways as I can while reacquainting myself with the things that have kept me grounded for years I grew apart from in 2020.

Good luck everyone on wherever you are on your learning path.


Good luck to everyone living on planet Earth.


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