Journal Entry Type #110: I Wish I Knew

I know I keep saying this, but I had every intention of following up with more blogging after I wrote a flash fiction story that came out of nowhere (sort of nowhere). I went to work, came home to hopefully sleep a good night’s sleep, only to be up all night in pain. After long debate in my own head, I finally went to urgent care and got somewhat of an answer. My thoughts were I either had gout or complications from some other physical crap I have going on. I haven’t been in this much pain since recovering from a surgery. The verdict was I had tweaked my sciatic nerve somehow. It makes sense since I’ve been dealing with feeling numbness in my ankles for the last ten years off and on. It’s only gotten worse. Have I mentioned how much I hate going to doctors (let alone the cost of visiting them and most of them being in such a hurry it’s like being on a conveyor belt where the doctor only has a certain amount of time to spend on any one patient? I drove way longer than I wanted to get there and all to leave the office with him telling me to see a neurologist and stretch my calves because they were really tight. OKAY! The X rays and ultrasound I’m supposed to get is going on the backburner. I swear between doctors and insurance companies, it’s enough to make a person’s head spin for a long time, but what I can say is thank you for medicine. I don’t care what anyone says about it because even though steroids and pain meds are large band-aids, I’m all for it because sometimes the lesser route doesn’t work. A good case in point is acupuncture. For some it works wonders but for me it didn’t do shit for my headaches. It only made my forehead and temple bleed a little bit. I felt more like a pin cushion than anything else. The acupuncturist was even surprised how little it helped me. This is my way of saying, I’m feeling a little better and going back to blogging and carrying on with my life, taking one day at a time. I never would’ve imagined my life would be busier, harder, and complex the older I became. It’s weird how now that I’m soon to be closer to 50 than 40 that my life has become a combination of trying to achieve success (very open-ended, I know) while dealing with shortcomings (my fault or others) in a life with more uncertainty than not (thanks 2021) and keeping more positive than negative on any given day.

The End

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