Journal Entry Type #141: Are Months Getting Shorter Or Is It Just Me?

I swear the months of each year are getting shorter and shorter as time goes by. The older I’m getting, the more it seems it seems the major holidays are upon me before I know it. I’m still unpacking and have a lot more to go. Between that and trying to better my life (in several different ways), I’m a pretty busy person. I’m feeling as if I’m stretched in all kinds of directions but only because I allow it to be this way in my head. I’ve had some crazy dreams (a lot of action and reaction or decisions and consequences type stuff). I had this kid (probably two) grab onto my leg a little bit to steady herself as she was going back in line at a Mexican fast-food joint (and no not Taco Bell) with her dad. I thought to myself that better be a kid touching my leg. Needless to say, I had two great tasting veggie tacos with homemade soft shells. They are the best fast-food tacos outside of Los Angeles taco joints I’ve had so far.

I’m convinced the months are getting shorter in that the days are flying by because people, in general, have to drive longer to work (due to traffic in major cities, at least), and because there are so many more options to choose from today versus when things were simpler and easier (in some ways although harder in others). Not saying planting and raising crops is easy but there was less stimulation and resources such as TVs, radios, and cars. I realize women weren’t viewed as equal (actually they still aren’t today in many countries) back then, but yes, the months seem to blend together as does the years. I had to look the other day when the last Olympics was (this year) and yet, it seems such a long time ago. I hardly remembered what happened and maybe it’s because things aren’t so crystal clear in my mind as much as they used to be. They aren’t as crisp if you will. I remember certain things in elementary school but only those that made an impression on me (good and bad). I don’t remember the other feelings and emotions so much anymore. There is a blurriness to them and maybe less relevant which is why I’m putting more emphasis on the last twenty years versus the last thirty years. It has already been 15 years since I was in some kind of schooling. I can’t believe it.

Where has the time gone? Why am I not further in my life? Why am I not where I thought I’d be? Why don’t I have more successes? Why don’t I stop comparing myself to others and just live my life? Why don’t I just write my damn stories and not care who reads them? Seriously, why subscribe to a motto that doesn’t work? That isn’t right for me. That makes me feel crappy. That isn’t realistic. That is a mere dream. That might not ever happen. Why fight against a writing method that doesn’t feel correct for a story just because others do it? Why think this in the first place? Why? Why? Why? So yes, I’m starting my workout routine again tomorrow in order to get in shape and be healthier overall (before COVID hit). My roommate has lost a lot of weight and now I must do that as well. I wonder where my IPOD is hiding. I’m also looking forward, despite what I wrote above, to writing again and finish my second novel idea. It will be my most personal one, which I’ve mentioned before. It is time to get back to the grind and all while trying to juggle other parts of my life that need changing. I can’t wait to see where my other novels and novellas end up (in a way). This is all I have for now and that is enough, I suppose.

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