Pisaries Creator

I have thought about giving up
many tired days, many sleepless nights
the dreams have seemed to die
withered away piece by piece
blown away in the winds of continuous change
like the sound of gears inside my head

It is funny how one image can alter 
how I feel and what I see from a different 
perspective when the angles are not what 
they said and I shuffle around not wanting to 
think about the way I should at this precious time

The view before me does not permit difference
as much the people before me wanted to 
reach higher than the heads and shoulders 
of the warm flesh and blood because arms break
past a certain wandering point so hold 
me until my brain jolts forward

A person will ask why so dull and negative
but this is how I have always been
taught to see this way through my glasses
filthy old prescription of costly lenses
with them my eyes barely see and without
I see lesser than equations not making sense
numbers are not my friend

Do not mistake me for someone who cares
many have done this before with no restraint
and they see the colorful buildings painted 
by hands of discarded people as tourists in 
fancy space outfits and space mobiles zoom 
this way and that as if they are sitting 
behind the buttons and levers to control
the outcome of their one-hour tour

The mission is revealed through all triggers 
and lies and deceits and some have found 
their fate comforting while others reunite with
strength and courage I once possessed 
countless month after month because to shed
this deadness around me would take 
a miracle and for a while anything resembling
the sun's light is more than mythical

There is not a flying dragon or unicorn or phoenix
that will expel fire or spread glitter or rise from
the darkest of dead nights and unbearable 
lifeless days to rescue me or anyone else
this is not a rehearsal and there is not another 
direction for future generations but down
the gears in my head want to commit but 
I am not sure how costly it will be and
how much the manifested desire 
is actually the truth