Mixture of Old and New Idea

bagginsI’ve been thinking about ways to get myself to write more without the fuss of editing later.  I need a good massage, but back to my old/new idea.  I started writing in my journal several entries about a character and what s/he goes through and thinks about.  I plan on continuing this until I feel it is done.  It probably won’t make much sense as I’m not going to edit it as I go.  I plan to use this journal format on one of my novella ideas.  I’m  looking to find new ways to make my life exciting.  I’m not sure if writing more on my blog is the right way to go.  There aren’t enough hours in a day or days in a week to get everything done.  I plan on scaling back some of my blog entries so I can get done with my rewrite.  My new mantra when reality hits me in the face is this: “it is what it is.”  Without further babbling on my part, here are the journal entries based on a character I have so far, not fully thought out.  When it is done, I will put them in one blog and maybe after I’m done with my rewrite I will dabble MAYBE in rewriting them.  Who knows?  In the meantime, enjoy my nonsense writing and remember I have completely made this up.  I love dogs and while I prefer medium to big dogs, smaller ones aren’t so bad although I’m not a fan of non-stop barking dogs.  Here’s a really old picture of me with Baggins.  Yes, I named him because of J.R.R. Tolkien’s great creative mind.  Jeez, I really need to get out of my apartment more and do something else.



I wasn’t going to start this type of thing, but my stupid therapist told me to do this.  I know he’s sick of my suicide attempts, but I keep telling him to drop me like a bad habit. You know the one where the potato is too hot, and you have to drop it from your fingers.  I had a dream about putting a potato in the microwave and because I forgot to poke holes in it, the potato exploded all over.  I didn’t have to clean up that mess.  I saved that for my enemy.  His name was Rex.  When I woke up, my mouth formed a smile.  It was upturned at the corners.  My big smile stayed on my face after I got out of bed.  There was something within me, bothering me, as I took a shower.  It poked me in the ribs each time I failed to obsess on it.  When I find it out, I’ll write it down later.


I didn’t expect to write so soon, but I saw a woman get on the bus with her stupid little dog hidden in her purse.  She had one of those toy dogs like a poodle or doodle.  Something like that.  It kept staring at me with its evil eyes.  I wanted to do bad things to it.  It was just a thing in my way.  The one, the main prize, was the woman holding the purse.  She made me fell all warm and fuzzy inside.  Then the heat dissipated, and my palms got clammy.  They started sweating and the pulled muscle from a few days back in my forearm was more intense.  This woman was going to be the next one.  You probably think that I’m about to kill someone based on what I wrote.  The thought never crossed my mind, but you had to take it there. That is where your mind went.  I’m not that sick and twisted.  To the person reading this, I hope you’re having a good time, whomever you are, what a snoopy fuck.  At least my therapist had the courtesy to allow me to share the bits and pieces I want to in the future and not the whole thing.


I’m feeling more down than up today.  I can’t believe my plan of scoring a date with that woman with her stupid dog never panned out.  I guess you could call me stupid for thinking it would go anywhere, but I thought it really would.  I might not be mentally together all the time, but I’m one charming piece of grade A material.  All I really wanted was one date.  Is that too much to ask?  I’m not looking for two dates.  God knows I’m not ready for that yet.  I just don’t want to die a bitter old man without any experiencing any kind of warmth normal adults have.  I see couples leaving restaurants on my way to the bus stop and I wonder what happened to me.  Why am I so unlovable?  Why do women find me repulsive?  It’s not that anyone told me this.  Okay, maybe, that one woman with the red hair.  I can’t be for sure as we were screaming at each other as she kicked me out of her apartment.  Is it so wrong to be attracted to red heads?  I’m talking the auburn and dark reds.  I’d even take pink if the woman had the right body.  I better quit writing about this.  I’m getting even more depressed than I already feel.  I need to come up with a better plan to find a woman.  Maybe, I’m looking in all the wrong places.  Maybe, I need to be attracted to blondes instead.


This is really me writing and not some phony or person wishing he was me.  People are so jealous of me when I walk down the street in my long trench coat.  I’ve lived most of my life with others envious of my face and body. I don’t deny it gets tedious with people gawking and desiring me.  This is what a person with as high an IQ as mine thinks about when he has everything handled and nothing to do except day dream.  The last time I was too busy and had to cancel an engagement was over five years.   That part of life ended and I could keep going but why?  You already know how great I am.  I know most of my words are simplistic now, but I’m not the idiot you sometimes make me out to be.  You just watch and see what happens next.



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